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On Wednesday night, late-night hosts reacted to Donald Trump’s threat to wipe out Iran, the trio who are leading ceasefire negotiations in the region and JD Vance’s trip to Budapest in support of Viktor Orbán.
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel focused on the ceasefire that resulted from Trump’s warning that “an entire civilization will die” if Iran did not meet US demands to open the strait of Hormuz.
“Once again, he made a big threat and backed off like your dad threatening to pull the car over and turn it around,” Kimmel said.
“What a time to be alive. A man who has the nuclear codes written on his stomach in ketchup has the power to wipe a whole country off the map.”
Last night, the chief energy adviser of the American company Gulf Oil told CNN that only “a trickle” of oil was passing through the strait of Hormuz.
“You know what?” said the host. “At Trump’s age, a trickle is pretty good.”
Kimmel continued by questioning the president’s strategy in the Middle East: “He seems to think that he can threaten to kill an entire civilization, then they’re going to be totally cool with it the next day.
“Let me put this in terms you might be able to understand, Mr President. Remember how you cheated on Melania with a porn star right after she gave birth to Barron, and now you guys sleep in separate bedrooms and she looks at you like Vin Diesel looks at The Rock? This is that type of situation; it’s not going away.”
On Wednesday, Trump named Vance as lead negotiator in ceasefire talks along with special envoy Steve Witkoff and “special son-in-law” Jared Kushner. “What a trio,” joked Kimmel. “We’d be better off with Alvin, Simon and Theodore.
“How is this negotiation even going to work?” asked the host. “This is a government of religious fanatics who don’t believe in democracy, and they use domestic security forces to terrorize their own citizens: and now we expect Iran to negotiate with them?”
He concluded: “Really, the only way this conflict ends is if Iran gives Trump some kind of award, like the Hormuz peace prize. You could put it next to the one he got from Hormel Chili.”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert also addressed Trump’s threats to Iran. The president announced a deal on Tuesday evening, calling it a “double-sided ceasefire”.
“Aren’t all peace deals double-sided?” asked Colbert. “I believe there’s a word for a single-sided ceasefire and it’s ‘murder’.”
The host also reacted to Trump’s comments that the war had “met and exceeded” US objectives. “It’s true,” he said. “It’s been a week since anyone mentioned the Epstein files.”
This week the New York Times reported that Trump’s war in Iran was influenced by a February situation room meeting with Benjamin Netanyahu, during which the Israeli prime minister gave a presentation making a case for war.
“It’s being called the most manipulative PowerPoint since your middle schooler put together ‘Tyler’s Reasons the Family Should Get a Dog’,” joked Colbert. “Number one: your fighting makes me sad.”
Netanyahu’s presentation reportedly ended by outlining a vision for regime change in Iran. “It feels like there’s a pretty big leap there at the end,” commented the host. “It sounds like a recipe that says, ‘Preheat oven to 350, chop vegetables … regime change.”
While the chair of the joint chiefs of staff, Dan Caine, warned that Iran could block the strait of Hormuz, Trump dismissed his advice and claimed that it would be a very quick war.
“No, there’s no such thing,” commented Colbert. “War is one of those things that always takes longer than you expect, like setting up the wifi, or any board game where the person inviting you to play says, ‘Don’t worry, the rules will make sense once we start.’”
Colbert then commented on JD Vance’s reported call to Trump during which he advised the president that war was a bad idea, “but if you want to do it, I’ll support you”.
“Grow a spine, JD,” said Colbert. “This is about starting a war in the Middle East, not a discussion on getting bangs.”
The host closed his monologue by addressing Vance’s appearance as the star attraction at a rally for Viktor Orbán in Budapest.
“That is a [bleep] headliner,” Colbert said. “Reminds me of when Coachella replaced Lady Gaga with one of the port-a-potties.”
