1 hour ago
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Key events
87 min Now Czechia attack, Zeleny teasing a ball into the box … for no one. This is, by some distance, the worst I’ve seen two sides play in this tournament.
85 min Immediately, SA look for a winner, and Czechia will be fearing a repeat of their agonising first-game reverse. They’ve only themselves to blame: not just for the missed chances, but for sitting on a lead against a side playing like it’s not even sure what football is.
GOAL! Czechia 1-1 South Africa (Mokoena pen 83)
Mokoena closes eyes, exchanges some words with the big lad upstairs, and lashes into the bottom left as Kovar flings himself right. I can’t think if many less merited goals, but here we are. Can someone find a winner?
82 min Mokoena will take, about the only South African I’d trust even to make contact with the ball, and Czechia will be feeling very poorly, given the chances they’ve missed to make this safe. This is some serious pressure.
PENALTY TO SOUTH AFRICA!
81 min That was not coming, apart from the fact that it arrived. Maseko comes in off the right and hammers a cross which hits Sulc’s arm. I don’t know, it was very close and his arm was neither out nor up, but the ref was very quick to give it; I don’t see how you get out of the way of that, and if those are the laws, it’s time to aim for hands. A very poor call, in mine.
79 min Again, the free-kick goes short, but this time, a decent pass follows, punched low along the carpet to Appollis … whose first touch is poor burt wins him a corner off Holes. It comes to nothing.
78 min Mokoena, who’s been the best of an awful lot, zips through midfield, so Soucek hauls him down. Somehow, he’s not booked – Mokoena does well not see a second yellow himself, gesticulating to the ref for one to be awarded.
78 min Another change for Czehcia, Zima replacing Cerv, who’s limping a bit.
75 min Mofokeng into Maseko, who tries to turn, but before he can complete, he’s flattened by Krejci; booking, and a free-kick 25 yards out, right of centre. SA, down 1-0 and 15 minutes away form a second defeat, have four defenders back. And then the ball goes square, not into the box, and the chance expires. WHYWHYWHYWHY.
https://youtu.be/rd0baAetwJE?si=kSOotHp-KWKKZLt4&t=14
73 min In comms, Stephen Warnock notes that the hydration breaks give it the feel of a pre-season friendly, and SA are playing in that spirit. I can’t think of many more tepid performances than this and their first, Maseko curling into the as I speak and Mokoena nodding into the ground and straight to Kovar. I’m sure they’re not doing it on purpose, but were has their intensity gone? I fear they’ll be hearing some opinions upon their return.
72 min We go again, Fifa’s wallet imperceptibly fatter – which makes us all feel warm and cosy.
71 min I hate to say it, but SA look devoid of ideas as to how they might score. They’re not even loading the box and putting in crosses.
68 min Loud boos again as the ref signals for an ad break. I hope it’s this one.
66 min Another Czechia change, try saying that with a mouth full of Marmite … but SA go first, Makgopa on for Rayners, then Soucek and Provod replace Sadilek and Hlozek.
63 min I’ll level with you, I can’t see either of these teams winning against whoever they were to play in the last 32. So let’s go to James Humphries, with more toast thoughts:
“A lot of Pep-style overthinking going on here regardig spreads, when the obvious winning move is toast and marmite. It’s the position of maximum opportunity of things to put on your toast, according to my arbitrary methodology! Which I guess... makes me the Charles Reep of breakfast? Hmm. Much to consider here.”
Can I perpetrate a flex? I’m ambivalent to Marmite – which, tangentially, was the word kids in my mum’s school would say when blowing saliva bubbles.
62 min Appollis, who’s been the liveliest of the South African players, comes deep and slips in Mudau, again the outlet. But he goes early, so the offside flag follows suit.
59 min Zeleny hangs on to the ball longer than seems wise, but actually, he’s waiting for Sadilek to fill a space, after which he finds him with a terrific reverse-pass. It ought to prompt an instashot, the angle there to send a low one towards the far corner, but instead he checks, hoping for a better lane, and the opportunity expires.
58 min Cerv is down, I’m not sure why, and we see a replay in which Mofokeng seems to gently brush him. There is no sanction.
57 min Okon brings the ball out of defence and plays a searching pass in behind, seeking Maseko, but he shoves Krejci and Czechia bring the ball away.
55 min Two changes for Czechia, Darida and Sojka coming off with Zeleny and Sulc coming on.
52 min Schick sets back for Sojka, who swings over a delectable cross, Hlozek waiting in the middle but, facing how own net, Mokoena stretches, hooking away. That’s a brilliant interception.
51 min “Get on the Sandwich Spread, Dan,” advises Simon McMahon, “the tangy, crunchy spread of champions. With sourdough toast. The perfect snack at any time of day.”
For the uninitiated, imagine filling a vat of mayo with the contents of an industrial hoover bag.
Photograph: stockeurope/Alamy
49 min Mokoena finds the space, sliding a gorgeous pass between wing-back and outside centre-back for Mudau, whose cross is blocked at source; the resultant corner comes to nothing.
48 min The corner picks out Schick and this should be 2-0 … but he plops a tame header into Williams’ arms. he may live to regret that.
47 min Again, Czechia start a half well, a ball fown the line flicked at by Schick, who misses his connection, but it distracts the defender and allows Sadilek away down the left. He squares into the box and Darida is there … but his first touch is miserable, what a waste. Then, when the ball is half-cleared, Cerv leathers form distance, forcing Williams to turn over the top.
46 min We go again, SA sending on Mofokeng for Adams.
Half-time email: “Would all these snobs dissing salad cream change their tune if they were in France and bought a bottle of Sauce Crudités?” wonders Wilson Beuys. “In terms of taste, it’s basically a thinned-down salad cream and considered perfectly acceptable if you can’t be arsed to mix up something with oils and mustard - everyone calls it ‘sauce salade.’
(Cue some English bloke with a second home in the Dordogne, a renovated 2CV with a panama hat on the parcel shelf and a linen suit ranting about its’ being ‘a monstrosity and a crime against French cuisine.)’
As for the first thing to spread across a slice of hot toast, the bizarrely named ‘salade piemontaise’ is the thing; available from any supermarket. A delightfully industrial mix of the aforementioned sauce (passing itself off as mayonnaise), with cubed potatoes, occasional tomatoes, invitational boiled ham and chopped hard-boiled eggs. On hot toast with salted butter and a breakfast coffee... the breakfast of champions.”
Anyone seen enough of Victor Muñoz to have an opinion? From what I’ve read, he sounds very Iraola-y – though one of my fears when managers take a step up is that the level of player they need to to love is different, but they don’t always realise. See Moyes, D.
My favourite South African tunes for your delectation:
HALF-TIME: Czechia 1-0 South Africa
Another execrable start from SA allowed Czechia, who began like they meant it, to forge in front. But it’s more even since, and the second half should be decent, as desperation sets in.
45+4 min Again, SA move it nicely through midfield, Modiba crossing from the left and Kovar launching to claim. But he spills it, so Maseko looks to sivel and shoot … but Krejci blocks well.
45+2 min “Salad cream’s closest analogue in the USA is Miracle Whip,” advises my colleague Beau Dure. “Because, to borrow a line from the comedian Demetri Martin, we like to be incredulous. (He said it about a product called ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter,’ which is similar in the sense that it mimics something else.)”
That we have in England. In the UK, we’re inquisitive, hence the band Therapy?
45 min SA are progressing through midfield quite nicely, Modiba into Adams who lays back for Mokoena … whose shot is better than his first, in the way a heel to the solar plexus is better than a forehead on the bridge of the nose. It flies way over the bar, and we’ll have four additional minutes.
43 min “Have to say that SA are getting Foucault from this match if they carry on trapping the ball further than I can kick it,” returns Dean Moull.
Yup, they’re Heideggering their own grave.
42 min …and smashes it over wall and bar as if dared so to do by a mate. In the stands, Mikael Silvestere, a man not exactly renowned for his dead-ball prowess, is unimpressed.
40 min Schick lays back to Cerv, who rides a foul then, when the ball comes back Schick, Mbatha nobbles him and is booked. Free-kick SA, 30 yards out, pretty central. Hlozek fancies it…
39 min SA are finding joy when moving through midfield, and Mudau is offering an outlet down the right. The problem is the lack of quality at crucial moments.
37 min Mokoena moves through midfield and finds Appollis, who spreads for Mudau … whose first touch is as deliocate, to borrow Nancy Banks-Smith’s delightful phrase describing Jocky Wilson’s darts throw, as a half-brick through a windae. So Kovar coming out to smother at cost of a corner … which comes to nowt.
36 min I was waiting for a chance to make this gag, but Dean Moull has beaten me to it, so: “Bit disappointed to hear the BBC comms miss the open goal of ‘deconstructing’ Darida’s role…perhaps one for H/T analysis?”
I’m hoping they have Fabian Barthez in the studio.
34 min Goodness me, Mokoena is so late on Coufal he’s almost posthumous; he’s booked and misses the next game. Maybe it’s the name, becauase Aaron of Blackburn Rovers fame wasn’t behind the door either.
33 min “Interesting bit of commentary for the kids there from the BBC bloke,” says Stephen McCrossan, “comparing the opening of the stadium roof to the opening of days of yore children’s TV favourite Camberwick Green!”
Oh, I somehow missed that – whereas I never missed Camberwick Green.
31 min This maturing into a football match. SA still lack quality, but there’s some conviction about them now.
29 min “In your rehabilitation program,” returns Charles Antaki, “I hope you’ve got some space for tahini? A dollop of the good stuff, a press of one or two garlic cloves, a hefty squeeze of lemon, pinch of salt, drop of the extra-virgin, dilute carefully with water as required. Sprinkle of paprika on top for presentation purposes. Lovely in salads, and as tangy as you like.”
In terms of olive oil, allow me to recommend Rincon de la Subbetica; I’m afraid I don’t like salads. These days, though, my condiment of choice is fresh shito.
27 min We’re away again, SA right back on to the attack and Appollis punching a good straight pass into Rayners, on the edge. But when he spins and squares, Mbatha can’t collect, so the move breaks down.
24 min “What is salad cream? Signed, America,” emails Charles Pearson.
Something on to which it’d be difficult to melt cheese, so I can understand why it’s unfamiliar Stateside.
23 min Time for a Bovril break, the crowd booing righteously. Good, the more Fifa hear of that the better, except the relevant suits are probably watching the ads.
22 min It’s just occurred to me that, excited to even consider salad cream, I neglected to wish Bob’s wife better, so let’s do that now. Meantime, SA continue probing, Kovar thrashing forward to no one when their latest attack founders.
20 min I’m not sure if Czechia planned to sit back if they scored, if they’re doing it feart to lose what they have, or if SA are pushing them back; my sense is the second, with a bit of the third. But they looked much better when pushing the pace.
18 min Not that long ago, Anya Hindmarch sold salad cream ice cream. It wasn’t that good.
17 min “Salad cream, Daniel?” intones a disappointed Charles Antaki. “Please tell us you were teasing. If not, then well done for giving it up - the prodigal son and all that - but what were you thinking? Crown Paints Sahara Beige, with added sugar.”
I like excessive tastes – sour, spicy, tangy – and salad cream is the latter. If I’m picking one condiment to slap on a slice of toast, that’s my one.
15 min SA enjoy possession, which makes them more cultured than me – I couldn’t get on with S Byatt’s prose, at all – and move the ball right, Modiba into Adams, who spreads to Mudau. And the cross is a goodun, Rayners charging towards it and leaping, but able only to shin wide.
