You be the judge: Should my best friend and I get matching tattoos?

2 hours ago 2

The prosecution: Marnie

We’ve been speaking about it for ages. She’s just getting cold feet, but I know she won’t regret it

My best friend Kady and I are planning a backpacking trip around south-east Asia in a few months and I have proposed the idea of us getting matching tattoos. Kady was initially keen, but now she is saying we should make up our minds when we are out there. I’d rather plan it in advance.

We’re both 20, and I think we’ll look back on them when we’re older and remember what a fun life we’ve lived. Tattoos are a reminder of a particular time, and I want to cherish our youth.

I’ve found a cool tattoo parlour in northern Thailand, where we’ll be staying. I’ve seen videos of people having great experiences there and the tattoo artist is really talented.

I think Kady is worried about what other people think, including her parents. She was on board with the idea when I first proposed it a few months ago, but now she’s told them and they’ve got in her head. They told her that a tattoo will ruin her job opportunities later in life, but that’s rubbish. No one will even be able to see it at work. Tattoos aren’t as taboo as they were 20 years ago, and we both think that they look good.

It’s not like I want to get a random tattoo. I’m quite creative and have already started sketching ideas that represent who Kady and I are. We met at a swim club when we were five, so my design features water and other elements. It isn’t huge, it’s only about 20cm long. I already have four small tattoos on my arms and torso and love the idea of adding more.

I’m not trying to force Kady to do something she doesn’t want to do, I’m just trying to encourage her to live her best life and go through with a plan that we’ve had for a while. I think matching tattoos will cement our friendship. I know she won’t regret it as we’ve been speaking about it for ages. She’s just getting cold feet because her parents know.

I’m definitely more adventurous than Kady and don’t care what other people think as much as she does. I am really excited for this trip – I want to look back on this period of our lives and feel like we made the most of it.

The defence: Kady

What if I grow to hate it or want it removed? We don’t need matching tattoos to show we’re best friends

I was initially on board with the tattoo plan, but then I told my parents and they freaked out. I think it’s because no one in my family has a tattoo. They think they are “common”, which I know is classist. My dad also said that no one will employ me if I get one – which is a total overreaction in my opinion – and my mum is worried about the hygiene in the tattoo parlours in Thailand.

All of that has got in my head a bit. I’m still keen, I just don’t want to commit to it right now. The trip isn’t for a while, so what’s the rush? I really like the design Marnie has done for us, and I think it’s cute that she wants to get matching ones. Cementing our friendship for life is a nice idea, but a part of me also wonders if I’ll regret it in the years to come. Obviously we’ll always be friends, but what if I grow to hate the design or just want it removed?

There’s a lot to consider. I’d also rather just wait and see how I feel once I start travelling. I want to go with the vibe of the trip and also see the tattoo parlour in person, get a feel for what the artist is like and how clean it is before I fully commit.

Marnie is the kind of person who likes everything to be planned well in advance, whereas I’m more go with the flow. I don’t think getting a tattoo should be scheduled too far in advance. We need to get the feel of the place and tweak the designs based on what they will look like on our bodies. We can only do that on the day we turn up, so I don’t see the point in debating it too much now.

I’ve always wanted a tattoo and Marnie isn’t pressuring me. It was actually my idea initially, but Marnie has really run with it. I could definitely go ahead with a tattoo in the summer, but because it’s my first one, I think it’s a bigger deal for me.

We’re travelling for six weeks around Vietnam and Thailand, so I want to have a good trip with Marnie – that’s my priority. Making special memories with my best friend is really important to me, but I don’t think it’s necessary to get a tattoo to show how close we are.

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The jury of Guardian readers

Should Kady get a tattoo?

Why does Marnie need to be so rigid? It feels like all the decisions have been made by her, but holidays should be shared and spontaneous. She is ignoring Kady’s ambivalence towards tattoos and not accepting other ways of bonding as friends.
Howard, 71

Marnie is placing more importance on the symbolism of the tattoo than on their actual friendship. There’s no harm in having the design ready, but pressuring Kady to commit before she’s ready isn’t friendship. Marnie should focus on understanding Kady’s concerns instead of trying to rush her to agree.
Tom, 37

This is a personal decision which Kady is right not to commit to if she’s still on the fence. Marnie is excited and wants to plan it out, but she should back off – what’s the rush? Also, keeping a fresh tattoo clean and in good nick is tricky at the best of times, let alone when backpacking and staying in hostels.
Elspeth, 25

Getting a tattoo is a big deal, so Kady should be sure it’s what she really wants – and 20cm is a big tattoo! If Marnie wants a tattoo to remember their holiday then good for her, but Kady shouldn’t feel pressured to decide now.
Iwan, 35

This is a personal decision, and if Kady isn’t sure then she doesn’t need to commit right now. The most important thing is that they are going on the trip of a lifetime – if it feels right to get a tattoo while they’re away, then Kady can go for it.
Abigail, 38