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Preamble
“Where’s your brain? Where’s your brain?!” Ferris Bueller’s exasperated enquiry of his best friend Cameron Frye has been regularly repeated by England fans in the Bazball era. When England chased 371 at Headingley with almost serene efficiency, it was described as “Bazball with brains” and the narrative moved on to whether England’s top seven was the best in the world.
Life is rarely that simple. Just look at how often we use the phrase “one/two steps forward, one/two steps back”. That’s our natural rhythm, in all walks of life, yet the phrase is generally uttered to express disappointment that the subject hasn’t made the smooth progress we expected.
England took one step back yesterday evening – metaphor, Harry – when they lost three early wickets in reply to India’s mammoth score of 587. They could have lost four or five, with Harry Brook giddyupping his luck on a number of occasions. And though it would be unfair to call their cricket brainless, there was some poor shot-selection from Brook, Zak Crawley and Ollie Pope. Bazball giveth, Bazball taketh away. You cannot redefine Test-match batting – as England have unquestionably done – without occasionally getting high on your own supply.
In some ways that’s what makes England so much fun. If, say, Andrew Strauss’s 2010-11 side were in this position, resuming on 77 for 3, you could be reasonably confident they would still be batting at the close. This lot? They could be 450 for 4 at the close or 220 all out by mid-afternoon. There are still loads of runs to be scored on this Edgbaston pitch, especially as the ball gets older, so there’s evern chance we’re set for a match-defining day.
England can frustrate the hell out of us, but that’s a price worth paying ten times over. I don’t know about you, because you keep ignoring my WhatsApps and don’t think I haven’t seen the two ticks by the way, but for the last three years they have enriched my life to a degree that almost brings a lump to the throat.
Watching and writing about them has consistently alleviated tiredness, ennui, depression, even fear. Nobody will lie on their death bed lamenting how much time they spent watching Ben Stokes’ England play cricket. But they might wistfully recall day three of the 2025 Edgbaston Test.
Legal disclaimer: the Guardian reserves the right to dispatch the toys and England’s top order as a bunch of egotistical balloons if they are rolled for 150 before lunch.
