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Late-night hosts touched on soaring oil prices from Donald Trump’s war in Iran as he backs down from solving the crisis in the strait of Hormuz.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert opened Tuesday’s monologue with an acknowledgment that for the first time since 2022, gas prices have soared to more than $4 a gallon. “I mean, who could’ve seen this coming? Just two days ago gas was a reasonable $3.98,” the Late Show host quipped. “Yesterday it was $3.99. And suddenly out of nowhere it’s $4! There’s no knowing what the price could be tomorrow!”
Still, jokes aside, “this is a big change for consumers”, Colbert said, as the price for a gallon of gas was $3 just a month ago. “Now obviously we know what happened in the past month to raise prices: ABC cancelled The Bachelorette,” Colbert joked. “And in response, Trump attacked Iran. I think that’s why? And the fact that Trump is ruining everything all the time has not helped his popularity.”
Colbert cited a new University of Massachusetts Amherst poll which found that Trump’s approval rating had sunk to a dismal 33%. “One-third. That’s only one out of every three people,” he reiterated. “To put that into perspective, turn to your right, now turn to your left. Both of those people are more popular than Donald Trump.”
Other polls have found that nearly half of Americans “strongly disapprove” of the president, while 22% still “strongly approve”.
“Who are you?!” Colbert wondered, imagining their reasoning: “I want gas to be expensive, I want the Kennedy Center blown up, and I know this is a pipe dream, but is there any way we could maybe, maybe, get Denmark to hate us? Because I would just love it if the price of liquorice went up, too.”
But speaking of Iran, Trump “seems to be changing his tune” on the war he started, signaling he’s willing to end military operations without reopening the crucial strait of Hormuz because administration officials indicated that such an operation would push the conflict beyond his self-imposed timeline of four to six weeks. “So he’s just walking away from the disaster he created because it’s too complicated,” Colbert said. “It’s a military strategy known as starting a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.”
On Truth Social, Trump encouraged allies to take the strait of Hormuz themselves – a strategy Colbert called “the hard part is done, now go do the harder part” – and threatened to blow up electricity plants and other infrastructure targets “which we have purposefully not yet ‘touched’,” he wrote.
“OK, first off, someone who’s mentioned in the Epstein files over 38,000 times should not put quotes around the word ‘touched’,” Colbert said. And “deliberately blowing up infrastructure could constitute a war crime. But at this point, I think Trump is hoping for the crime Egot. Which of course is: war crime, financial crime, sex crime and Grammy.”
The Daily Show
And on the Daily Show, Desi Lydic checked in on Kristi Noem, “former secretary of homeland security and the inciting incident in All Dogs Go to Heaven”.
Noem “has had a bad time recently – she lost her job, we found out about her affair and how it happened on a taxpayer-funded fuck plane. She really needs to just lay low and stay out of the headlines. I’m sorry, what’s that?”
That would be tabloid reports that Noem’s husband, Bryon Noem, cross-dressed in chats online with fetish models, in direct contradiction with the Maga fixation on gender binaries. “I can’t believe that the lady banging her employee on a fuck plane is the less messy one in their marriage,” Lydic quipped. “You know what? You live your truth, Bryon. Oh, she can dress up but you can’t? Fuck that,” Lydic added next to photos of Kristi Noem in numerous Americana law enforcement drag while parading around as homeland security chief.
“If she had an affair, you have a free pass. You can do whatever you want. I support you and your beautiful, lazy-eyed balloon nipples,” she said before showing a photo, published by the Daily Mail, of Bryon Noem wearing large chest padding.
Lydic then touched on the rising gas prices thanks to Trump’s war in Iran. “Oil prices won’t come down until the strait of Hormuz is as open as Kristi Noem’s marriage,” she quipped. “President Trump, it was your stupid war that closed it in the first place. Do you have any suggestions for how to open it back up?”
On Truth Social, Trump blamed the crisis on European allies for not joining the war, goading governments worried about fuel prices to “go get your own oil” by force from the Gulf – comments that sent oil prices even higher.
“So just to get this straight: you started a war that caused the strait of Hormuz to be closed, and now you want someone else to figure out how to open it?” Lydic marveled. “It’s the Middle East, it’s not a toilet in the second floor office bathroom. If you clogged it, it’s your job to unclog it. Unless no one saw you go in, and then you blame it on Michael Kosta.”
